Half of My Heart...

i went to the open band rehearsal last night.
that was probably a mistake for two reasons:

1.) i miss it so so SOOOOOOOOOO much. i really almost cried. i am never going to get to do that again. it was very heartbreaking.

2.) i saw you there. i saw you with her and felt half of my heart smile to see you looking that happy, your hand in hers. the other half of my heart cracked and shattered to the pavement because i knew i could make you happier, that i was the one who was supposed to be in her place. but you know what i did? i took a deep breath and faked some smiles like i always do. i laughed and hid behind my sunglasses because i couldnt face the questions that i knew people would ask if they saw me burst out in uncontrollable tears. normally i wait until i am at home for that part. half of my heart wanted to tell you that i wanted nothing more than for you to be happy and to hug you like friends do, but that part of my heart would have been lying. i want you to be with me more than i want you to be happy with her. so i sit here and type this and try to convince myself that distancing myself from you will be for the best. so far it isnt working. every time my phone rings, i desperately hope that its you, calling me. i would kill to hear your voice right now. but i know i cant.

p.s. the lyrics to 'Untouchable' by Taylor Swift. i love this song.

Untouchable like a distant diamond sky
I'm reaching out and I just can't tell you why
I'm caught up in you, I'm caught up in you
Untouchable, burning brighter than the sun
And when you're close, I feel like coming undone
In the middle of the night when I'm in this dream
It's like a million little stars spelling out your name
You gotta come on, come on, say that we'll be together
Come on, come on, little taste of heaven
It's half full and I won't wait here all day
I know you're saying that you'd be here anyway
But you're untouchable, burning brighter than the sun
Now that you're close, I feel like coming undone
In the middle of the night when I'm in this dream
It's like a million little stars spelling out your name
You gotta come on, come on, say that we'll be together
Come on, come on, oh
In the middle of the night waking from this dream
I wanna feel you by my side, standing next to me
You gotta come on, come on, say that we'll be together
Come on, come on, little taste of heaven
I'm caught up in you
Oh, oh, oh
But your untouchable, burning brighter than the sun
Now that you're close, I feel like coming undone
In the middle of the night when I'm in this dream
It's like a million little stars spelling out your name
You gotta come on, come on, say that we'll be together
Come on, come on, oh
In the middle of the night when I'm in this dream
It's like a million little stars spelling out your name
You gotta come on, come on, say that we'll be together
Come on, come on, come on
In the middle of the night waking from this dream
I wanna feel you by my side, standing next to me
You gotta come on, come on, say that we'll be together
Come on, come on, little taste of heaven
And in the middle of the night when I'm in this dream
It's like a million little stars spelling out your name
You gotta come on, come on, come on, come on
Come on, come on, oh, oh, oh
Like a million little stars spelling out your name
They're spelling out your name, oh