Day Four

Day Four: 4 Things That Are Bad About Me

1.) I get attached too easily.

2.) I give too much and never take for myself.

3.) I can't remember the last time I felt pretty.

4.) I put my relationships first when they shouldn't be.

Day Three

Day Three: 3 Things that Make Me Cry

1.) Yell at me.

2.) Write something (anything sweet) for me.

3.) Tell me you love me and then leave me.

Day Two

Day Two: 2 Ways to Win My Heart.

1.) Kiss my fingers. Gets me everytime.

2.) Be random and spontaneous. Take me to the park and swing with me. Let's go on a roadtrip to nowhere. Whittle me a heart out of chocolate. Silly, random, sweet things make my heart happy.

<3 <3 <3

15 Day Challenge

Day one: One Thing I Need to Say
Dear M.H.,
You will never ever know how much that smile meant to me. Why? Because I will never have the courage to tell you. And chances are that you don't even remember that sunny day in February. That completely genuine, unprovoked smile might possibly have saved me. I was considering dropping out of school. I was in a really dark place. But that small grin hit me like a train. You won't ever know how much I needed that. Thank you. Love, Megan

Film Reel

These images in my head are starting to make me nauseous. And lightheaded. At the same time. I can see a picture, multiple photographs, snap shots of a life that I wish was mine.
His arms are around her waist. He wears a white and gray striped button-down, the cufss rolled up to display his muscular arms, and khaki pants. Her hands cover his. She is dressed in a blue dressed dotted sporadically with green and purple flowers, a belt showing off her figure. She leans back against his chest and their cheeks are pressed together. Their faces reflect the bright sunlight shining down on them, glowing and happy smiles, love etched in ever line of them.
The next frame shows initials in the sand: M.H. + M.S., handprints next to the letters. They both know how cheesy this sign of affection is, but neither can resist it in the moment. They sit side by side, hands in laps, gazing at each other.
The ocean glimmers with the fading sunlight in the next shot, shining both orange and deep blue. They stand out in the water letting the waves crash against their legs, hands clasped, their faces turned out to sea, towards the unseen future.
Their foreheads touch. Her arms are wound around his neck. The smile on his face is more beautiful than 100 Sistine Chapels, 1000 perfect sunrises and a lifetime of rainbows combined.
The final frame shows the two of them laying on their sides in the sand, arms around each other, lips touching, both smiling, sand stuck to their skin. They are incandescently happy.
Oh, how I want that. It keeps playing over and over in my head. With this one man...

Selling Heartbeats

The music industry is attempting to sell the world heartbeats. Music enables some people to feel different things. A fantastically written song can cause great emotion. But all those sappy love songs that blare across air-waves from here to the Golden Coast all have a hook: they make you desire something; they make you fall in love if you aren't already in it; they cause you to feel weightless if you are already in love. Silly love songs will be the death of this nation. Why? Because if you hear the perfect love song pouring from your ear-buds and have no one to sing it to, doesn't a tiny piece of your soul die? I know mine does. I am slowly losing the ability to love love songs. I am slowly losing the ability to feel a speck of hope from songs like "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" by Aerosmith, "I Will" by The Beatles, "Beautiful To Me" by Jaron and the Long Road to Love. Even my favorite love song of all time has a hook that makes insipid teenage hopeless romantics like me get my hopes up too high. My favorite love song is trying to sell me a reason for my heart to beat. Sad.

Needing a Reason to Feel

Humanity needs a reason to feel.

We watch all of these disasters happening in Japan and Haiti and THEN we react. Why don't we just go? For no reason? Why do we wait until the most destructive and awful things go wrong before we hold out the hand of charity? Why don't we, as a race of beings, just act so as not to cause reactions? Do we really need to see broken buildings and broken people, little children with no food, dense clouds of acrid black pollution in order to feel? To show emotion? To urge us into motion?

Humanity never does anything selfless. We all have motives behind every seemingly innocent action. Can we, as humans, possibly really FEEL an emotion without it being reactionary to something great or terrible? Can we feel just to feel? I very much hope so. If not, the world is on a downward spiral into a circle of hell that not even the devil himself could fathom.

Perhaps chivalry isn't dead...?

Today was extremely windy. So what did I do today?
Sit outside and watch my very first rugby game. (Rugby is intense. And completely confusing.)
I couldn't feel my fingers for the longest time. The wind was so cold.
I met a boy today named Barrett. (Like Garrett, but with a B.) Do you want to know what he did? He let me borrow his gloves because I didn't have any. Keep in mind that I had just met him maybe 3 minutes before this. He willingly let me borrow his nice warm gloves because I couldn't feel my fingers. It completely blew my mind. Guys don't normally do that. Some don't even hold a door open for anyone else. I am still shocked by this display of chivalry. Wow.

Photo trip.

I want to do this (^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^) sooooo bad! Anyone care to join me? :)

Zombies.

I think that sometimes I get the best ideas when I am extremely tired. That happened on Saturday night/Sunday morning. I was sitting in the backseat of the car, on the way home from Chicago, and I was so tired, I could feel myself slipping into the "zombie state." The only way I was going to communicate for the 3 hour ride home was through grunts and I was already moving extremely slowly. I didn't care about anything. I was a zombie. Then I came up with this:

Dying isn't just taking a last breath. When you die, you lose everything that makes you human. You lose your feeling. Feeling makes a person human. When you can't feel anymore, you forfeit your humanity. Becoming a zombie is losing all emotion to the point where you are numb. Everyone has a zombie day every now and then, where you choose not to feel at all. (I think today is one of those days for me.) But normally people don't lose their humanity completely on a whim. No, it takes something disastrous, something cataclysmic, to rip a person's human-ness from them.

Kinda thought about a story idea for this^. Yes? Thoughts on this?

My silly little desire.

I can see myself, curled around a cup of coffee as the sun goes down. He, whoever he is, is sitting beside me, his arm around me. We watch the stars burst into being and soak in each other. He gets up and waves me inside. We are both exhausted from the day. I still have work to do, but I know that he will go inside and shower and sit in his favorite chair with a new book. Perhaps I will bring him something sweet. He tells me not to every night, but I know he loves me for disobeying. I stand up and follow him inside and sit down at my computer, gazing down at the flour caked around my fingernails. I smile down at my keyboard and plunk out a few lines and hear him rummaging in the kitchen. I stand and follow the sound of rustling plastic sacks and point him towards the living room. He obliges and kisses my cheek, leaving me with the hint of strawberries tickling my nose. A strawberry cupcake with cream cheese frosting ought to do the trick. The thick paperback in his hands is a sign that everything is just as it should be in the world. Another light kiss on my lips and I am dizzy with delight, wobbling back into the kitchen to prepare for the next day.

For some strange reason, I have kind of begun to desire a bakery. I love to bake and it would be cute to have a little bakery in a small town. Preferably by a lake. With the man I love. Preferably. Ah well. Silly desire.