Fallout...

So I am utterly in love with Ellen Hopkins' books.
(Thank you Sarah. :D)
Anyways, I was reading the newest book this weekend and one page in the whole book stood out to me.
I love it so much!
This is it down there.

'Falling in love with someone is the surest highway to hurt that I know. When the door to love opens, the window to control closes. I have little power over my life as it is. The portal to pain is caring too deeply about anyone. That includes me, myself and I. It's scary to think I might never take a deep drink of forever love. Scarier still to gag on yet another deception. Too many lies in this frozen world. And too few destined mergers of the heart.'

That is just so beautiful to me.
I can 100% relate to that....

Surrender...

I am done.
I give up.
I surrender.
The white flag is waving.
I can't keep picking my heart up off the floor every day like this.
I can't keep looking for you every single time I leave my dorm room.
I just can't.
I have to be numb to you and all the others, because you all are the same; you make smart girls like me fall for you without even realizing it and then you don't even notice we exist.
A snow ball in hell has a better chance of making it to the artic than I do of ever being with him.
How fair is that?
Well. I am done with it.
I can't take it anymore.
I am not going to keep piecing my heart back together after I see you smile.
Its not worth it is it?
You don't acknowledge my existence anyways.
Besides, she makes you smile.
Might as well have her instead of the unworthy, right?

Withdrawal...

My dictionary says that withdrawal is the act of taking back or away something that has been granted or possessed.
I was granted with a smile, a glance across the room, a singular moment when everything in the world felt in line.
So why do, on the days that I don't see you, I feel like an addict coming off a high?
Why do I need those smiles to get me through the day, from meaningless class to meaningless class?
Why do I ache when I can't catch a short glimpse of the perfection I think you are?
On the days when I don't see your face, I am like a starving woman crawling through the desert in search of water.
Why is this?
I believe it is because I am an idiot who just entertained the notion for one brief moment that I could be perfect for you.
Know what?
I am not.
I am not your kind of perfect, the perfect that would allow me to fit my jigsaw-puzzle edges to yours and make a perfect picture.
I know that my fears and insecurities are holding me back.
But I also know that that is not the whole truth.
I realized it early on; I desire the stars when I can only bend down and reach the grass...