Dear World,

How is it possible that he still gets to me? that i still feel myself catch my breath when i see him? i know that i have no effect on him whatsoever so why is it happening to me? he doesn't want me. he will never want me. i know this. i can feel this with every fiber of my being. i am not even entirely or completely sure that i want him either. but the way he held me that night, like he didn't want to let me go. it felt good; really good. the feeling of being encircled by his arms keeps jabbing my memory, making me want something that i never had. it makes me think of every sappy love story movie i have ever seen: Moulin Rouge, Romeo and Juliet, Tristan and Isolde, the Phantom of the Opera, etc, all rolled into one grand mash of images that i wish i could be in. but i am not. i am not noticed. i am too plain to stand out in a sea of faces. this is life in the princess castle: definitely not what it is cracked up to be. i know i shouldn't be thinking about this like i am but i can't help it. ever have an episode where all these images are on continuous loop in your mind? that happens more and more these days. sometimes i did wish that my mind had an off button...